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"the
rebellious one, yo!"
1. Name: Sean Lazarus
2. Nickname: Tiny
3. Age: 23
4. Birthdate/place: February 3 1977, Grass Valley, CA
5. Past resume: 1994: graduates high school, 45th in his class–lists future
plans as "be the biggest, bestest star in the whole wide world"
6. General description: the rebellious one
7. type of girls he appeals to: those looking for a walk on the wild side
8. favorite music: X, "that Bach guy" and Tiny Tim
9. activities: vaccinations, happiness, and keepin’ it real
10. romantic date: a large pork dinner followed by four hours of talking
about himself, then some cuddling |
"your
perfectly normal big brother"
1. Name: Dietrich
2. Nickname: Wuzz-Wuzz
3. Age: 14
4. Birthdate/place: A hidden bunker deep within the primeval forests of
former eastern Europe.
5. Past resume: 1986:Born to Karl Heinz and Inge Von Heugenschotz, impoverished
peasant dirt-farmers. 1987: Purchased body and soul by Hivemind Records
and Record Holdings
6. General description: The "Big Brother," lovably kissable,
7. type of girls he appeals to: Girls with braces and severe glandular disorders.
8. favorite music: Karl Orff's "Carmina Burana," specifically Movement One,
"O Fortuna."
9. Personal
quote "The Corporation wants you to be happy." |
"heartland
hottie"
1. Name: Troy
2. Nickname: Captain T.
3. Type of Girl who likes him: spunky pony-tail catholic 17 year olds
4. Interests: Mackin' and Making music
5. favorite Date: House of Monkeys at the zoo
6. Quotes: "yo, my heart is a lady bug-ooh yah." "Ricky-icky micky I love
you too!"
7. Place of Birth: Hunkyboyville, Iowa
8. songs written: "Feel the way my love shows", "Dance with me kissing you",
"Passionate island" (to be included on forthcoming albums) |
"the
one your mom would trust you with"
1. Name: Roderick Newcastle
2. Nickname: Little Rod
3. Age: 19
4. Birthplace: Pacific Palisades, CA, 1982
5. Past resume: 1986 - amazes parents by doing their taxes for them. They
buy him an Apple IIe, and the rest is history.
6. General description: The computer nerd, wholesome and non-threatening
7. type of girls he appeals to: quiet but secretly passionate 9th graders
who write poems about him in English class
8. favorite music: Kraftwerk, Styx's "Mr. Roboto"
9. ideal date: email, followed by instant messages, and finally voice chat
if "the feeling is right"
10.
Personal quote: "The only thing in my life that's not computer-generated
is my strictly non-sexual love for my fans." |
