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ye olde parlimentary archive issue one | issue two

 

schedule for Friday Night’s Hellenic activities was solemnly established as follows, in order to bring the greatest benefit to UCLA, the community, and to facilitate growth as young women:

8 pm: Discuss community service
8:30 pm: Bake s'mores
9:30 pm: Plan fund raiser
11 pm: Do each other’s hair
12 am: Study session
1 am: Bra and pantie pillow fight

 


A frantic meeting was held to develop excuses for not admitting more than one fat or ugly girl from this year’s pledge class, as the house fat/ugly quota has been reached. Excuses agreed upon included:

"She’s just not Theta material,"
"not enough spirit," and
"we just had so many great girls this time, we'd love you to come out again next quarter."


A diversity meeting was held, and the sisters compiled the following examples of diversity in action within the house:

Andrea constantly playing that Enrique Iglesias CD......
Steph had her finger on her mace when that Mexican guy talked to her on campus at night, but didn't press the button.....
Jen went to Culver City once with her dad to get a good deal on cute little VW Cabriolet.....
Denise snuck backstage and had sex with one of the vaguely non-white looking guys from N’sync......
Many sisters occasionally chat with the house cook, Esmeralda, while waiting for their dinner to be served.

voted on punishments for Hellenic code infractions:

1) Wash all dishes for one week
2) Firm spanking
3) No "Felicity" this week
4) Very firm spanking
5) Make out with big sister for 5 minutes

Budget breakdown for the previous school year, presented by treasurer Candy:

$4000-- Community service
$200-- Replace pillows damaged in fight
$350-- Replace bras and panties damaged in fight
$700-- Bathroom cleaning after Steph’s "incident"
$1000-- Alcohol
$8350-- Scrunchies
$243.47-- "gross stuff"

 

UCLA Anvil Trapeze -- Issue #4 "The Sassy Anvil" Articles catalogue

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