Hubble Telescope Has Ability To Look Up Own Ass

"We’ve breached the rectum, we’ve got a rectal breach!" exclaimed Dan Mohovech, lead scientist of the HTAV (Hubble Telescope Anus Viewing) project on Tuesday.

The team has been working on the project for ten years: ever since they heard of the plans to build the telescope. Said Mohovech "We knew they were putting a big damn telescope into space, but when we asked them if it could look up its own ass, they told me no. That’s when I knew there was a market to be exploited."

The team went to work, carefully measuring the angles between lenses, and drinking heavily. After nine years they finally they had the rump in view. Reported one scientist "that’s when we knew it was all downhill; just a matter of increasing the power."

When asked what the benefits of this new technology were, Mohovech said, "It can see its own ass. I mean really far up there. Its ass. Amazing." News of their project didn’t go unnoticed at NASA either. A scientists on the original Hubble team said "They totally fucked up our telescope. God damn it!", and a member on the Hubble team that fixed the original telescope which malfunctioned years ago reported, "They fucked up the telescope again. God damn it!" Mohovech’s team now plans to redirect their goals to identifying what is up the telescope’s ass. Said Mohovech, "There’s got to be something up there."