Amazon.com Says:
"Bring on the Crack and Whores"

As part of an aggressive new marketing strategy, a spokesperson for Amazon.com announced yesterday that crack and whores will be the newest products added to the Amazon galaxy. "People like crack. People need crack. That’s where we fit in" explained Jeffery P. Bezos, chairman, president, and CEO of Amazon.com.

He went on to point out how whores had, in the past, been restricted to whorehouses and street corners, but now they have access to a whole new media. These cyber-whores can now by-pass the middleman, known as the "pimp", and bring the savings right into your home.

Ted Grunge of De Moines, Iowa, whole-heartedly supported the online prostitution, noting one time that he needed a whore like a "diabetic needs his insulin", but couldn’t obtain one in "uptight sissyville." Jeff Lotter of New York, also voiced his endorsement of Amazon’s new strategies saying, "Three cheers for crack online!"

Although there may be many supporters, others have raised serious questions about the selling of crack and whores online. One reporter asked Jeffery P. Bezos, "Aren’t you afraid of getting a cap in your ass, as some of your competitors have threatened to do?"

But Bezos is not concerned. He is confident that people will buy his crack and whores without incident. He ended his interview by reading from his personal copy of Shakespeare’s Hamlet "...The insolence of office and the spurns that patient merit of the unworthy takes, when he himself might his quietus make with a bare bodkin? And I like crack and whores."