THE ANVIL TRAPEZE SAVE THE COLLEGE STUDENT FOUNDATION

Student poverty is too rampant to be ignored. Without the blessings of sports scholarships or adequate financial aid packages, too many students are suffering in the Third World slums of the university apartment system, living off microwave noodles and mustard sandwiches. These unrecognized poor are desperately in need of your monetary contributions.

For only $538 a month, you can sponsor a child and support his or her tuition and beer fees. In return, you will receive the heartwarming feeling that can only come from assisting a struggling young student like Isaac Newman, who's two months behind on his Camaro payments. With your sponsorship of a child, you'll receive quarterly updates on your child's progress and personal letters with your student's grades, along with Crayola drawings of his/her recent sexual endeavors.

If interested, please send donations along with your name, address, PIN and Social Security numbers to the Anvil Trapeze at: Ackerman 2410, UCLA, Westwood Blvd, Los Angeles CA 90024. Thank You!

by Damon Jordan