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Alpha
45 minutes of meeting time were used in an attempt
to complete a new "spirit" song. The tune of "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls
was quickly agreed upon. After several proposed lyrics floundered, a chorus
of "I just want you to know I am an Alpha man" was grudgingly agreed upon,
overcoming objections from several brothers that the lyric "didn’t really
fit." A cheer erupted from the assembled brothers when a radio was activated
and the newly-adopted theme was found to be playing simultaneously on
3 local radio stations.
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Sig
Ep
The "surfin’ with the brothers" pledge event
was officially removed from next quarter’s pledge schedule when an investigation
revealed that, despite the vast preponderance of "Mossimo" and "Body Glove"
apparel in the house, and even the reports of a brother who had seen Point
Break "like 40 times," no one in the house actually knows how to surf
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Delta
Chi
Admission standards were established for this
Friday night's party, reading in part:
"a sliding scale shall be used for the admission
of uninvited women. A women fully clothed in a sweater or similar shall
be admitted only if she is judged to weigh 130 lbs. or less. However,
this weight limit shall be increased to 145 lbs. for girls wearing a t-shirt
or similar with nipples at least partially visible. Furthermore, this
limit shall be increased to 180 lbs. for women wearing a halter top."
Finally, "cool-looking dudes" may optionally be admitted on a case-by-case
basis, especially if the admission of halter-topped women is judged to
be contingent on the admission of said dudes.
Secondly, a "punk-control" sub-committee was
formed, with brothers appointed to the following duties: Brother Dom was
designated the "c'mon we don’t want any trouble" guy, Brother Carl was
designated the "you’re up against 44 brothers, you fight one of us, you
fight all of us" guy, and brother "Beavis" was designated the "'you guys
come here and drink our beer..' tirade" guy, although the tirade was leftto improvisation as required by any unforseen punk actions.
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Alpha Beta
Proposed amendment 15 to the council of fraternities
to enforce physical standards for all fraternity men. This move is widely
believed to be a thinly veiled effort to rid the Greek system of nerds.
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Beta
Upon random inspection, 3 brothers were unable
to produce either videotapes or audiotapes of the unreleased first South
Park episode. The offenders were confined to the basement for three hours
of remedial Cartman imitation training. One of the offenders quickly responded
by shouting, "weak!" but unswayed eyewitnesses reported that his voice
sounded "not even close to Cartman."
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Lamda
Lamda Lamda
Organized "no on 15" rally and prepared topical
rap song with violin solo.
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