Dear Forum:

I never thought these letters were true until it happened to me. Late one night I was coming back from the library. I was walking down the hallway in my dorm when I noticed that the door to one of the girls' rooms wasa crack. So of course I took a peek.

I couldn't believe what I saw- there were Allison and Melissa, all over each other. They were both topless, their blond sweaty beach-buff bodies undulating to some slow jazz. Then Melissa looked up and stared straight at me. I was sure she would scream or threaten to call the RA. But then she smiled and beckoned me in to the room.

What happened next? Well, we all went down to Starbuck’s to discuss their perfectly legitimate lesbian lifestyle choice over a pot of decaf. I then retired to my room to read my feminist literature with a whole new perspective. I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't been there myself!

Jonathan Glascock,
Sproul Hall

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Dear Forum:

I never thought these letters were true until it happened to me. One night I was invited to this party at a house off-campus. At first I didn’t want to go because I didn't know anyone there and I thought I would be bored. Oh how wrong I was!

Around midnight I had to go to the bathroom, but I guess I picked the wrong door! I couldn’t believe it--there was everyone from the party, half-naked and all over each other. I started to take off my clothes and got ready to join the fun. All I needed now was permission from each person in the room to engage in sexual activity.

I started with a gorgeous brunette with a great rack. Sure enough, she gave me permission to touch her left breast and stroke her exterior genitals. The right breast, she told me firmly, was out bounds. Of course I was disappointed, but I reminded myself that "no means no" resolved to content myself with the left breast and exterior genitals. Just as I was stroking her left breast, another girl smiled at me from across the room. She gave me approval for touching both her breasts with my hands and tongue, but wouldn't you know it, her entire genital area was off-limits. At this point my memory was severely taxed, and dreading an accidental uninvited touch that would permanently scar one of these young ladies, I asked if anyone had any graph paper.

An hour and a half later, my flow chart was complete, successfully illustrating all 183,00 possible sexual actions possible in this specific group encounter. By the time I was done it was 3 o'clock and everyone was looking very tired, so we all put our clothes back on and went home, our respect for each other and ourselves intact. I wouldn't believe it if I hadn’t been there myself!

Andrew West,
Rieber Hall