Dat's right, its da bear, roarin' at ya again! ROWWWRR! Well, I know ya been waitin, so I ain’t gonna keep ya in suspense no more- the bear went on a date!

ROWWWRRRRRR! Da bear had seen her around a lot, wearin’ dat little pink bow on her head. But she was always with this other "male." He's so small he looks like he was still at his mother's teat last year. So one day I see da two of 'em. I wait till he is off pickin' some berries or some other wussy-ass omnivore shit. Then I creep up to her and say "how about bout it? Wanna see what it’s like to roll with a real bear?" She says yeah, her name is Josephine. We set it up for later that night.

Now da Bruin Bear is thinkin’ he is in luck. She sure ain’t closely bonded to her so-called male and it doesn’t even look like I'm gonna hafta kill any cubs to get her ready. So night comes and the bear is ready for love. Before I get there I rub against a tree to get some syrup for her to lick offa my sensitive nipples later on. We walk for a while in the forest and everything is going according ta plan. She is walking on two legs but I don’t think nothin’ of it. A little freaky but hey- maybe dats the way she likes it. Da bear can get freaky too!

Finally we stop in a clearing and its time for da bear to make his move. Well one thing leads to ta other but she is still on two legs! "Now, Josephine, baby," I tell her, "it’s a little hard for me too mate with you if you be standin’ like that." Well she finally gets down but something is just not right. Finally da bear is strokin’ her with his big front paw and what da ya think happens- da bitch's head falls off! Now da bear knows he is a 3-ton huntin' machine but he ain’t that strong. Den da bear looks and under da head is da stringy blonde fur of a HUMAN bitch!! What da fuck!!

Well dat human bitch tried to tell some story about bein’ a mascot and don’t eat me mr. bear but da bear wasn’t even hearin’ her no more- TALK TO THE PAW BABY! Finally she ran off and da bear was alone in da forest. So I guess dats all for dis week. It’s sad to say but now da bear knows all there is to know about the crying game. Da bear is so sad he can barely even roar. Maybe you will hear from da bear again next time if he is not still in da forest, rubbing his sensitive nipples on a maple tree, alone. rowwr.

The bear would like to give a roar out to his homebear from "Conan O'Brien" for the idea about the maple syrup. The bear can be reached at thebruinbear

(to the tune of "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air" by DJ Jazzy Jeff and Fresh Prince)

Now this is a story all about how
this bear's life turned upside down.
So shut the hell up and sit right there
I'll tell ya how I became the UCLA Bruin Bear

High in the rockies, born n’ raised;
In the forest is where I spent most of my days
Chillin’ out, huntin’ and fishin’ all cool
and all grabbin’ some salmon from the mountain pool

Out in the woods is where the other bears stayed--
but it’s not for this bear, he needs to get laid!
Then a couple of guys in park ranger clothes
said "You're goin’ to LA to meet some fine-ass hoes!"

They flew me in a cage to LAX;
I said "this is the town for a bear who needs sex!"
I looked at my campus, I was finally there, to represent UCLA as the Bruin Bear…