My Trip (version 1 of 2)

by Daniel Gast

Man, this is weird. It’s like a 70’s disco here. It’s like one of them Volkswagon Bug commercials only I’m not on crack this time. Wow. My shit’s green...now blue..now it’s singing My Girl. What the fuck..this is all too weird. Eddie’s never tripped like this before. No way. No fuckin way. This is the coolest dump I’ve ever taken. Eddie’s never had a dump like this. That’s for sure. Oh my God, the fan is now moving around, blowing cool breezes everywhere. It’s orbiting around the room like a flying saucer. It’s not even plugged in...and there are no batteries in it. I got to sit down cause I can barely feel the feet under me. On my momma!!! Ma, oh hi ma. Nothing’s the matter, why? Oh, that was just the.. tv you were hearing. I wasn’t yelling your name in the bathroom...that’s ridiculous. No, I told you. I gave up crack, remember. The fan’s shooting lasers at me. Shit..is this for real? Fuck you too, you piece of shit. I gave birth to your smelly ass. You respect me. You sing another Temptation song or I’m going flush you. I swear. I will. God damn it...I’m sweating bullets...On my God....ahhhh..I’ve been hit by the fucking fan... I guess you say.... Flush. Is it over. Eddie is that you? Eddie? The clouds.. the clouds are swirling all around and putting on this tremendous show. Eddie? Fuck this. I’m going outside, into my backyard to see what’s cooking there. Hey Eddie! You’re not going to believe this. You will not believe this. I was just seeing and hearing all this crazy shit. I slipped in this pile of mud and I felt like I was on this Egyptian ride at Disneyland...what’s it called? I started drowning...it was like quick sand but a bush reached out and pulled me out. As I cleaned off my pants, I shook hands with the bush and told him that we could use more caring plants like him. But then, the bush bleched and started rubbing it’s leaves. Then it tried eating me but spit me out cause luckily I didn’t wipe my ass...it almost took my arm off. I’m pretty lucky to still be alive. I’m just lucky to be able to tell this story alive. This trip was way better than any of your trips, Eddie. I swear. Eddie? Eddddieee?? Oh my God Eddie’s eating me.