An Interview with President Clinton

by: Shawn Westrick

Wow, our first issue and we have done what no one else was able to do. Get an in depth personal interview with President Bill Clinton after impeachment hearings. And if that isn’t enough, The Anvil has also got its hands on some new technology that will allow us to view America’s opinion of the President’s speech instantaneously. Our own Shawn Westrick sat down with the president in Washington.

Shawn: "Mr. President, may you please comment on the increase in your approval rating by four percentage points after you admitted you had misled America about the nature of your relationship with Ms. Lewinsky?"

Clinton: "Shawn, I’ll be honest with you. I am just a hick from a two-bit state that barely qualifies to be called civilized, but when I saw that my approval went up after I had admitted my wrong doings, something clicked. I said ‘Bill, if these people like me for getting a little action during work, imagine if I told them the rest.’"

Shawn: "The rest, Mr. President, would you like to clarify that for us?"

Clinton: "Sure Shawn, not only did I have an improper relationship with Ms. Lewinsky, hell, I had every intern that worked at the White House." (68% approval rating) "Girl interns, boy interns, the parents of interns, they all had to salute my little commander-in-chief if you know what I mean." (69% approval rating)

Shawn: "Mr. President, am I hearing you correctly? Are you admitting to having improper relationships with every intern, plus their parents?"

Clinton: "Hell boy, that ain’t the tip of the ice-berg. I’ve had every big-haired slurred-speached woman in Arkansas. I didn’t just inhale, I gargled with the damn bong water…and I was the gunman on the grassy knoll the day Kennedy was shot." (73.5% approval rating)

Shawn: "Mr. Clinton, frankly I am at a loss for words."

Clinton: "Good, then you won’t interrupt me when I tell you that I lie like, all the time. I steal from stores, I never help old people cross the street, in fact, I usually knock them down and take their belongings. I used money intended for Medicare on a heroin addiction, I like to listen to The Artist Formally Known as Prince, and I never floss after eating." (91.9% approval rating)

Shawn: "I cannot continue with this interview."

Clinton: "Did I sell out the Lincoln bedroom for fundraising money? You’re damn skippy I did. But not only that, I did the entire cast of BayWatch in there, while Al Gore tapped the whole thing from the closet." (99.7% rating)

At this point Shawn stormed out of the White Office;( it was shortly learned thereafter that President Clinton had been planning with the Chinese to give them American made technology so that they may spy on the United States.) (99.98% approval rating)