As I sit across from the music world's newest group of singing,
dancing mega-hunks that are All-4-U,
it's not hard to see why they've been making girls from sunny
Florida to rainy Washington State moisten their little prepubescent
panties with nothing more than a playful jiggle of the head
and/or hips.
Dietrich's classically chiseled, devastatingly European features
are set off perfectly by the bright neon lights announcing the
XXX bookstore he's facing. Though it's only 11:30 in the morning
he's already visited the shop several times, much to the dismay
of their manager Barmak.
Sean is handsome in a rugged, thuggish kind of way, with a face
full of hard-won experience and hard-fought pride. He takes
neither prisoners nor lip from anybody, and is the only member
of the group ever toy defy Barmak's judgement, earning
him the respect and admiration of the other boys.
Roderick (or "Little Rod", as the others call him) is cute in
his bashful, timid way, where you might catch him peeking at
you from behind your computer monitor as he fixes it. He says
very little at this morning's interview, still rubbing the sleepiness
out of his eyes and smiling shyly.
And Troy, the so-called "Heartland Hottie", is just a terrible
flirt, the most so in the whole group, making eyes and smiling
devilishly at everyone who passes by, from the waitress who
brought him his eggs to the maid who made his bed to the doorman
that showed him to his room. It's impossible to know exactly
what he's thinking when he gets that mysterious, mischievous
look in his eyes, whether he's inviting you to make cookies
or listen to their self-titled debut album, currently at number
four on the Billboard Charts.
We're having a relaxed breakfast at the world-famous Beverly
Hills Hotel in sunny Southern California and discussing the
effects of overnight fame, artistic trials
and what it means to be a member of All-4-U. But first, perhaps
a little background would be in order....
more inside... |
Dat's
right, its da bear, roarin' at ya again! ROWWWRR! Well, I
know ya been waitin, so I ain’t gonna keep ya in suspense
no more- the bear went on a date!
ROWWWRRRRRR!
Da bear had seen her around a lot, wearin’ dat little pink
bow on her head. But she was always with this other "male."
He's so small he looks like he was still at his mother's teat
last year. So one day I see da two of 'em. I wait till he
is off pickin' some berries or some other wussy-ass omnivore
shit. Then I creep up to her and say "how about bout it? Wanna
see what it’s like to roll with a real bear?" She says yeah,
her name is Josephine. We set it up for later that night.
Now
da Bruin Bear is thinkin’ he is in luck. She sure ain’t closely
bonded to her so-called male and it doesn’t even look like
I'm gonna hafta kill any cubs to get her ready. So night comes
and the bear is ready for love. Before I get there I rub against
a tree to get some syrup for her to lick offa my sensitive
nipples later on....
continued...
|
Delta
Chi:
Admission standards were established for this Friday night's
party, reading in part:
"a sliding scale shall be used for the admission of uninvited
women. A women fully clothed in a sweater or similar shall be
admitted only if she is judged to weigh 130 lbs. or less. However,
this weight limit shall be increased to 145 lbs. for girls wearing
a t-shirt or similar with nipples at least partially visible.
Furthermore, this limit shall be increased to 180 lbs. for women
wearing a halter top." Finally, "cool-looking dudes" may optionally
be admitted on a case-by-case basis, especially if the admission
of halter-topped women is judged to be contingent on the admission
of said dudes.
Secondly, a "punk-control" sub-committee was formed, with brothers
appointed to the following duties: Brother Dom was designated
the "c'mon we don’t want any trouble" guy, Brother Carl was
designated the "you’re up against 44 brothers, you fight one
of us, you fight all of us" guy, and brother "Beavis" was designated
the "'you guys come here and drink our beer..' tirade" guy,
although the tirade was leftto improvisation as required
by any unforseen punk actions...
continued...
|
